The Teenage Mutant
Becky: The nice thing about the internet is that stupid people doing stupid things are plentiful.
Sarai: Just when you start to doubt that maybe, just maybe, there is a brighter day… I’m speechless.
Becky: Just a note to our readers: I’m planning a little intervention party for Sarai later, everyone’s invited!
Sarai: Do you also find it creepy that the hideous default link color matches with the header? Or is that just me? Okay I see a scrollbar, so there’s content somewhere in here…
Becky: I don’t really remember the default layout, I just fixed the stylesheet and ran it through Stylish so I wouldn’t have to use IE. I’ll take your word for it though, after the first time I viewed the website in IE I had a really bad case of hysterical blindness… well let’s just say it’s not pretty.
Sarai: I see the menu! Score! Oh fuck this. I’m viewing this in CSS that’s how bad this is. No page styles ftw.
Becky: Now the blog that started it all was removed from the front page, but I’m a super duper detective and I found it fairly quickly. Questions and Updates=& Let’s start with point one and move through them?
Sarai: You’re a quick one Rebecca. I’ll take Dumbass Entry #1 for $300.
1: Its my website, and if you dont like the layout, tough.
Define layout? Because all I see is an image and default blue links that are supposed to group together to make a menu.
Becky: The sad thing is, is that if they just added an extra bracket to the body element in their stylesheet the text would work in all browsers.
The navigation is below the layout. Are you people blind?
Sarai: Why, funny you should ask… Maybe your website is the cause, dipshit?
Becky: Below the layout? I assume they mean the header and not the actual layout, right? Because putting the navigation at the bottom of the layout makes no sense whatsoever, then again calling Firefox a homosexual doesn’t make much sense either… but I’m getting ahead of myself here.
2: I like the css, and its not to small for me. If you really wanted to see my website, you could chnage your font settings. Its my site, and this is the way I like it.
Oh yeah well these are my eyes and I don’t like hysterical blindness.
Sarai: Font size is not my problem… is it yours? Black on black doesn’t work in ANY browser I’m afraid. Nice try. Next.
Becky: Not here, having text that isn’t black is my first problem.
4: Domian contest – it seems like joe is the only one who is entered, so I am re-opening it for people tomorow so Its more cometitive – Joe, you still keep all your votes
Becky: What’s a domian and do I want one?
Sarai: Is he talking of comets?
Becky: That’s too big a word for him I’m afraid.
Fixefox and safari suck! I hate them, so please dont come complaining about it dosnt work in this and that. I dont care. Most people have IE, and thats the best. Why do you want firefox, its gay.
Sarai: “Most” people have IE?! I’m starting to twitch omg. I don’t know how much more bullshit I can take.
Becky: My eye was twitching just thinking about it. Although I will give him that, IE owns the majority of the marketshare, right? But that doesn’t mean that it’s your entire visitor base, or could be your entire visitor base. Think of how many companies use IE, how many schools use it and so forth.
Thankyou for all the comments, you dont know how much I appretiate them
Sarai: I wonder if our comments are appretiated.
7: Sorry, but I needed to get my opinions across. Its my website, and I pay for it, so If all your going to do is critise well sorry, I hate you.
Becky: SCORE! We get a free ticket out of this guy whining about us talking about him on our site. SCORE!
Sarai: Okay, I put on my lollerskates and viewed this website (and I use that term loosely) in IE and OH HELLO. I prefer Firefox, and that’s saying something? Is his navigation all one word?
Becky: Yes! He didn’t use spaces at all.
Sarai: “CompsExtrasSiteTutorialsMusicGames” I see. I’m scared.
Becky: Tutorials, um explain to me why his second textarea (lets not get started on that) is full of PHP errors? Don’t tell me he decided that he was going to just paste PHP directly into his page!?
Sarai: At this point, I’ll believe anything. “Everything in this section is made by me unless otherwise stated. Please don’t steal or redistrubute!” First order of business: Blonde Jokes. That he did not credit. Does he even know what redistribute means?
Becky: He knows it only applies to him and his content.
Sarai: Oh, I jumped the gun. It’s “redistrubute”. My bad.
Becky: Oh that makes a world of difference then. I think that’s retarlish for “I stole these fair and square so no sticky paws.”
Sarai: “I would really like it if you gave me credit for them, but if you don’t, fool on you!” And where would the credit for the images be?
Becky: Don’t you know regular laws don’t apply to graphic gods like him? He can steal whatever he wants and even sell it for money and the popo can’t touch him. Oh god Sarai, oh god.
Sarai: What, Becky, what?!
Becky: Buying a domain isn’t normal! OH GOD! I bought one about a year and a half ago and I renewed it a few months back. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Sarai: Where in the fuck?!
Becky: Right here!
Sarai: I love how he has Tips for his visitors. As if I would ever listen to someone who can’t even get a font color working. Oh wait, scratch that. I forgot he doesn’t include the rest of us.
On the internet, its good to have a website freind, who helps you out, and you help them out. And you comment on each others websites all the time and talk other msn. You tell each other website tricks, and just have a good time. I have loads of website freinds, that comment on my site all the time and we help each other out. To get one, keep commenting on their sites everytime they leave a blog, and enter contests, and just say can we be freinds? Its a great way to have fun with someone else. Saftey tip: make sure you dont give out personal info though!
Becky: Sarai, will you be my friend?
Sarai: Becky, I thought – Oh fuck it, I’ll be your friend.
Becky: YAY I GOTS A WEBSITE FRIEND. YAY. Okay, what website tricks will we share first?
Sarai: HOW CAN SOMEONE NOT SPELL FRIEND. IT’S ONE OF THE FIRST WORDS YOU LEARN. HOW OLD IS THIS FUCKTARD. Omg, I won’t get through this review – I just won’t.
Becky: If you don’t care that you’ve alienated 80% of your visitors (a poor statistic to be sure) then something is wrong with you. You should see a head doctor that specializes in people in your, um, situation.
Sarai: We haven’t even gotten to the coding!
Becky: Sarai I saw the CSS. You don’t want to go near the coding.
Sarai: Or the tutorials!
Becky: Trust me on this one, it’s horrible.
Sarai: Omfg, he has an Iframes tutorial. I will shoot this motherfucker in the kneecaps if I could.
Becky: Did you know he doesn’t need to have a DOCTYPE or a body tag? He’s THAT cool, isn’t that rad?
Sarai: Please be kidding.
Becky: I wish I were. Did ya bring the hammer, Sarai?
Sarai: “I frames are great, but I use PHP includes. But, some people like to stay simple. So here is how to!” No… some people like to stay retarded. There is a difference. By the way, you spell that D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-C-E.
Becky: That’s an awful big word there, I think his brain will just say “Does not compute” in one of those awesome computer voices, like in NOLF2, and then explode.
Sarai: He is currently being reviewed. Can’t wait to see how that turns out. I am very tempted to link him to my Pointless Content article/psycho rant. His website would be the epitome of Pointless.
Becky: His review will probably be glowing, the chick reviewing him is somewhere near number 20 on our hitlist.
Sarai: OH! Those random exclamation points are links. Oh how was that not completely obvious to me?
That hitlist keeps getting longer and longer.
Becky: The hell? I thought that he got screwed up and put the exclamation marks at the wrong end of the word…
Sarai: Aw damn. I wanted to apply for affilimalalation but: “2: You must get lots of hits, because I do.” Sigh. We don’t qualify.
“6: You must be a happy person!”
If you still want to be an affie, fill and email this:
Name:
Site Adress:
Why do you want to be my affie:
Send all that to:
jack_crute_dude@hotmail.co.uk and your done!
Sarai: He doesn’t even know what a form or e-mail link is I guess?
Becky: Affilimalalalation? You crack me up hahaha! He gets lots of hits? He’s been open since April and that’s not long enough to get lots of hits.
5. You must comment on my website at least once a week, or when you can. I will do the same
Sarai: Good luck reading the shit to begin with.
Becky: BAHAHAHA! If I were one of his affies I’d say things like: Yeaaah I was like watching my favourite commercial and it was soooo totally awesome I couldn’t tear myself away to comment on your site. Join Despair.nu you n00b and stfu.
Sarai: OH one of his Articles is: Viewing Sources. I’m sorry, Articals*.
Viewing someones source is great, but sometimes people dont like it. Viewing someones source shows you the code that they used to make the webpage. (rightclick, and click on view source. Sadly, people can still view your souce even with codes etc. But, you can leave them a message when they do veiw your source. Copy this:
Wait for it…
<!--Put a message here for when people veiw your source--></br>and write them a little message! Paste it in your header, and then they will be able to read it when they veiw it!
Sarai: A message will totally do it!
Becky: LAWL! That’s great, I’m always totally scared off by messages in the source, are you?
Sarai: Shake in my little space boots. Every time. Are those… icons in the layout?! 5 bucks they aren’t even his.
Becky: I spent my last 5 on medicine for my hysterical blindness so I won’t take your bet.
Sarai: And you know what really tickles my pickle? The fact that the domain name doesn’t even make sense. It’s great.
Becky: Yeah what’s up with that? It’s The Teenage… THE TEENAGE WHAT?
Sarai: Mutant! Dipshit!
Becky: The Teenage Dipshit? The Teenage Retard?
Sarai: OMG! TWINS!
Becky: OH TTLLY! I like Mutant!
Sarai: I really want to find out how old this person is. Because if he’s older than 13, it’ll be too much for me. Some of the subpages don’t have ‘Back’ links so you’re pretty much stuck there. Sucks.
Becky: Yeah I for some mysterious reason can’t use my back links that come with Firefox either. Probably because it’s a homosexual and all.
Sarai: So if Firefox is gay, and IE is obviously straight, does that make Opera a transexual and Safari a hermaphrodite? They can’t all be rad like IE.
Becky: Yeah I think so, oh sup I hear Opera is going to cover Shania’s hit song “Man I feel like an IE”, wanna come with?
Sarai: I’m down! What should we do about this Blind Sight? Pun intended? What? Am I saying?
k I went against your advice and I viewed the source.
Becky: I say we take our nightsticks and beat the site to death.
Sarai: And all I can say is: That shit ass ho mother fucker.
Why is there a </div> AFTER THE TITLE?!
Becky: Okay I can’t do this anymore, the misuse of the English language, the horrible “design”, the coding EVERYTHI- wait what? That’s not how you close a title O_o
Sarai: Why is the css linked twice? And randomly? Omg Becky he’s using
Becky: * holds your weave * YOU’RE THE CHOCOLATE MARILYN MONROE, NOW GO BUTTER CREAM BITCH ON THIS GUYS ASS! DO IT NOW, DO IT GOOD.
Sarai: And you know, any other website and I would feel bad for this poor retarded dyslexic person. But this thing put up a blog saying some really mean things. Calling firefox gay? Ordering me to up my font-size even though I wouldn’t be able to see black on black no matter what the size? And after all of that, after ALL OF THAT, he makes the menu all one word to confuse me on purpose?! This bitch deserves to die.
Becky: Yeah, he really brought it upon himself by posting all that shit, we probably would’ve done a different site if we hadn’t stumbled across him the other day on Disaster MB.
Sarai: And even now a part of me wishes I hadn’t :-( I give this website a big fat ‘F’ for Fucking With My Head.
Becky: This is one of the few sites out there, that has no real offensive content, that makes me sick to my stomach. I give it a Z for Get ZE Fuck Out!
Sarai: Oh okay. Can I have my weave back?
Becky: Sure, here you go. Now about that interven- party I mentioned earlier. You wanna come with?
Sarai: >:| Don’t try me bitch.
Becky: Sarai we’re all worried about you, Stick Arena is affecting your mood, life and brain in a big way. We aren’t here to judge, just to help.
Sarai: Leave Stick Arena out of it Becky! We’ve discussed this, it’s a part of my life for now.
Becky: But it doesn’t have to be this way! Accept Jesus into your life and see the light my child, see the light!
Sarai: It’s not that eas— Did you just say Jesus?!
Becky: No…
Sarai: I’m out diz bitch. Oh hell naw.
Becky: Okay this party is over. EVERYONE GO HOME!
Oh totally, Amanda. Wanna pass on some links?
Sarai · Jun 27, 07:43 AM · · Permalink
I cannot fucking believe that this dumbass tosspot idiot wankstain has a fucking tutorial on how to direct link. What kind of turdbrained fucking retard distributes that kind of “knowledge”?
I would give it a pants award but I’d have to crap on the pants first to make it worthwhile.
I sincerely don’t get why people who’re unpopular offline, believe that just because they whip up a website they’ll be popular online… or maybe this sad case is popular offline and thought of conquering the internet?
shudders I’m at work, so I’ll view the site at home… or maybe not. Sounds scary.
o___O My goodness. I can’t understand why anyone would ever be affiliates with him (besides the site PHAILS factor) because you can’t even see the site name.
I think he updated the layout, so I can’t see the atrocity that his old one must have been. Your link to the blog doesn’t work either, drat.
Sumaiya · Jul 6, 04:19 PM · · Permalink
The mutant has moved to http://dinokill.com
LULZ @ this: “Wow. Back to school. I really don’t wanna go, but does anyone? I got another 1,000 hits yesterday.. Wow. I am hoping to get 600,000 like on the-teenage, but I dont think I will.”
Is he for real? There is no way his shit site gets that many hits.
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haha ilu guys! I’m glad I posted this on DMB and you guys reviewed it. It made for an entertaining read. :P
Britney · Jun 27, 01:21 AM · · Permalink