Some Dude and His Imaginary Friend
Becky: Okay so we decided that we’re going to teach you guys how to do what we do. Why? Because we’re sick and tired of people writing unreviews of us that are more half-assed than the ones we write about them. There is a right way to do what we do and a wrong way and most people do it the wrong way. It’s a win/win situation us teaching you how to be like us, sure we don’t get paid for our time, but we’ll hopefully get some real lulz out of it rather than some “what were they thinking” lulz.
Sarai: Plus, How To articles are all the rage on the interwebs, so we figured, what’s one more?
Becky: We’ll also help you organize your life and get you that dream job working on the Love Boat.
Sarai: This is pretty refreshing, since it’s been all quiet on the e-drama front. And okay we’re super lazy and have been occupied with other things. This all started when Becky discovered a drama “blog” started up by Some Dude on the internet.
Becky: Some Dude and his friend (we’re not sure at this point if his friend is real or not) decided to write an IP-style unreview and failed miserably at it. His (their?) first mistake was using different coloured text depending on who was talking. If you read the entire thing you eventually figure out that Some Dude is in black text and his imaginary friend is in blue text. If you’re a pussy and don’t want to use your real names then make something up, go wild!
Sarai: Get creative! Ren and Stimpy, Ariel and Flounder, Batman and Robin — strive to stand out! The goal is to make it easy for your readers to distinguish who sounds the most ridiculous and/or psychotic.
Becky: Imagine a conversation about your latest post between two fans:
“Blue Text really had a good point in that last post.”
“Yeah, but Black Text totally stole the show when he posted that picture he found.”
Do you really like being referred to as blue/black text?
Sarai: No, not really. I like my name.
Becky: So do I, I even like our alter-egos: Shanaynay and Shanicka.
Sarai: Yeah or even “That Bitch” and “Grandma”.
Becky: I assume you’re Grandma and I’m That Bitch. This one is important, never understimate the importantness of this: get your facts straight. There is no excuse for making things up because you have nothing to talk about. Basically if you’re going to rag on people for something, try to make sure they actually did it so you don’t look like a bigger douche than you actually are. Don’t say that your unreviewees believed that Rhiannon of PSGR posed as someone else on Snark instead of defending herself, or that I have a heavy Photoshopped picture (in which I am wearing at least 14 layers of makeup) where my eyebrow goes over my bangs.
Sarai: Yeah I don’t remember us claiming that Rhiannon did any posing. Most of us have been on the interwebs for a very long time and know most of the history, so there really is no sense in making shit up for your own personal amusement. Build up your case with facts and amusing anecdotes!
Also, and this is very common, please do not talk about us having no lives. I talked about this before. It is a stupid argument and it’ll get you nowhere fast, except Dumbfuck Land, which is probably where Nurse Betty resides.
Becky: Especially when your only reason for believing we don’t have lives is that we post shit about other people on the internet. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: we’re half-assed. No, we’re less than half-assed, we’re quarter-assed. Besides, you have to remember that it’s easier to talk about the truth because when you lie you actually have to think the lies up. Our unreviewees do half the work for us by coming up with things we can talk about, you made shit up. Who are the ones with no lives now? Hmm?
Sarai: Our job is easy, though. We don’t really have to dig for much since it’s all there, out in the open and on the surface. It’s when we get down to the nitty gritty that it becomes exhausting. But! Rewarding. Because naturally, that’s where we find the best lulz. This dude, however, just broadly skipped over general drama. He also mentioned that we had hurt him in the past… but I don’t understand.
Becky: Yes, it was “years and years ago”, except we had our first birthday back in March. Perhaps he has us confused with someone else?
Sarai: Again: If you’re going to bring something up, remember the facts! No one likes an empty argument, it’s a waste of time.
Becky: Oh and don’t sit there and complain about us rehashing old drama when your post is completely filled with old drama that has been rehashed to death (usually by us).
Sarai: Exactly.
I gotta make it clear; I have no love for Becky due to something she and Sarai did to my previous website. This was years and years ago though, so I’m over what they did. I am not over who they are as people and I hate to see them trying to run down those who don’t deserve it.
God I wish I knew just what the hell is going on here.
They took something and blew it up into a massive pile of dog crap. It’s no wonder she hates them for it. I hate them for what they did to me.
You were right, Becky. The internet is serious business.
Becky: Yes, it hates us because we unreviewed it years and years ago, but it’s totally over that now (but it still hates us). Am I the only one who’s confused here? You know, aside from our new little friend. You can’t hate someone and be over what they did to you at the same time. Though I doubt we did anything to this person if it was years and years ago….
Sarai: I didn’t even know you “years and years ago”. Sounds to me like this dude is just grasping at straws, just like everyone else. What’s next? Some talk about our looks?
Becky of Babblative and Internet Police: Ugly inside and out. Dang.
Oh there it is. Well, they tried? I always appreciate hard work and effort.
Becky: Yes they did indeed. Here’s how you rag on someone’s looks and come out smelling like a rose: Make sure you have something other than their looks to use against them. So simple yet so important. You may think that us being mean is more than enough, but it’s not. Especially when you can’t even get your facts straight.
Sarai: I can’t even think of the number of times I’ve been called a meanie. I keep hoping for new, better, accurate, well-constructed insults but apparently it’s not meant to be.
Plus, on Becky, it just looks like she’s trying to masquerade as a Mexican whore.
And yeah, gotta heart the whole “take off your glasses and raise your head to make you seem more hip and less chin” procedure.
And it just keeps going. Is this all they have on us? Rhiannon drama, something that happened years and years ago, and the fact that you’re a dirty whore? God. Where’s the creativity people!
Becky: I am chongalicious. But seriously, that’s all they have, that I’m a dirty whore? Lame. Sarai is far more inventive with her nicknames for me. Also, using my weight as an insult fails because I’m about 25lbs away from my goal weight, if I sat on the couch all day watching Judge Judy and blogging about how I’m trying the latest diet pill craze, then you could use my weight as an insult. I’m just sayin’. If you really want to make me feel bad insult my coding. Seriously, tell me that my coding is unsemantic or invalid, it’ll make me cry.
Sarai: And who wouldn’t feel insulted? Code is very important. * pat pat *
I guess the only guideline left is my personal favorite: Be original. Copying our little conversation style is a bit pathetic… Especially since you fail at it, what with not knowing who’s saying what and not getting your facts straight.
Becky: You know something? Somehow they managed to appear more half-assed than we are. I didn’t even think that was possible!
Sarai: I hadn’t thought about that!
Becky: You guys who read us, you should appreciate that we take the effort to put our real names on what we say and that we don’t make shit up. I think we’re underappreciated Sarai.
Sarai: :-( You’re so right Becky. Or should I call you Maria?
Becky: Maria is fine, bb. This quote made me go wtf:
Seriously, is she too poor to own a decent digital camera …? Everyone fuckin’ has one nowadays. You can get a killer camera for like $30 if you watch the sale flyers. Wtf.
You can get a killer camera for $30!? God I am so there, the kind of one I want (decent, able to take shots without weird pixelly colours, etc.,) is at least $300 and unfortunately I am far too poor (being unemployed and all) to afford $300 for a decent camera. I have, however, done a lot of comparison shopping and I have never seen a decent digital camera for under $100.
Sarai: I was a bit confused by that, too. Maybe in Dumbfuck Land such a thing exists but in the real world, if you want a decent point and shoot, it’s about $80 at least.
Becky: And that’s for a lower end camera. I’d like to visit this Dumbfuck Land sometime and go on a little shopping spree. If killer cameras are only $30 then I wonder what else you can get for cheap. A 2008 Volvo for $18,000? A top-of-the-line gaming computer for $500? Oh the possibilities!
Sarai: Yeah no kidding. I’d get myself a decent tv for $20 bucks and some Hello Kitty robes for a couple of bucks, I ain’t even gonna lie.
Becky: Really guys, we don’t mind if you want to rag on us for what we do. We know we’re not very popular in the sense that people like us and what we do (though they keep coming back and they tend to comment a lot or write unreviews of us). But if you’re going to unreview us, or anyone else for that matter, don’t make stuff up. And sarcasm is best left for those who know how to use it (grownups).
Sarai: I agree, I honestly don’t mind what people say about us. At this point I’ve heard it all. With a website like ours, I doubt we’d get praises and gifts (sorry to burst your bubble Becky) for our content so it’s not like I don’t expect it.
Becky: Aww and here I was hoping that we’d be getting our first shipment of gifts soon.
Sarai: Sorry, Maria, maybe you can get one of your clients to get you something really nice. Like a glittery barrette. Or a chinese fan.
Becky: I guess I will have to get one of my clients to give me something nice, I like the idea of a glittery barrette. Or maybe one of those $30 cameras.
Oh, and is it just me, or does the bitch have black, soulless eyes?
Do I have black, soulless eyes?
Sarai: I never thought so. I always thought you had giving, grateful, eyes.
Becky: Nice big, warm Pussybear eyes? Thank you bb.
Who can forget our hilarious entry on Becky at Encyclopedia Dramatica?
Plenty of people because that article was removed for lack of lulz. Good try though.
Sarai: I don’t remember that, I didn’t know you back then.
Becky: To sum it up: Becky is ugly and she’s mean, and that’s why the administrators deleted it.
Sarai: So the administrators deleted it? Damn. And they have some really shitty articles up, so I can just imagine how lame it was.
Becky: Yeah it was pretty tame all things considered. I’m surprised it stayed up as long as it did (for one or two days). I’m also surprised that IP hasn’t made it to ED yet, we have lots of hataz who could write an article about us, perhaps they’re just lazy?
Sarai: Maybe someone else called their layouts ugly, and their focus shifted?
Becky: That must be it, or they got distracted by something shiny.
I don’t think that there’s really anything else to say about unreviewing us other than you should probably use common sense and talk about things that really happened. If we don’t know what you’re making fun of us for because we didn’t do it, then you failed.
Sarai: If you really want to have a successful (and I use that term loosely) site like IP, make sure you keep the above guidelines in mind. After all, we do know what we are talking about (sort of). Plenty of people have tried to open “drama” sites before, and where are they now?
Becky: They died. Notice how they’re dead and we aren’t, you should probably consider taking our advice. I almost forgot, if you’re going to do unreviews then I recommend you start linking people so that they can find you. Don’t count on becoming e-famous right off the bat, to become e-famous (like ourselves) you need to actually have visitors.
Sarai: That’s what I’m saying.
Becky: One more thing: we decided not to link this person because they’re doing it for the hits and why help them become e-famous? If you’re really curious, however you can just Google a sentence from one of their quotes up there surrounded by quotes (“like this”) and their site should be the only one to come up.
Comments
Um… wasn’t Sarai supposed to be the “Mexican wannabe”? is confused
Anyway… “boi”? Spelled like that it means “oxen” in Romanian. Isn’t that nice? He auto-insults himself. goes to read stuff
I like the part about him being over you… by the way, how do you know it’s “Earth years”. He might be counting them differently? As in 3 hours and 1/2 are 5 years xP
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Cherri Church · Aug 19, 04:37 PM · · Permalink
They have just the one entry? Great site right there! I have to admit, I had trouble following their train of thought…if indeed, there was any logical progression to it at all!
Amanda · May 6, 11:47 PM · · Permalink