New Years Resolutions (for you)
Becky: Sarai and I have decided that this year we won’t be making any New Years resolutions, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t! So in the spirit of sharing and togetherness and all that crap we’ve put together a little list of things you can add to your New Years resolution lists!
Sarai: Crap indeed. I can’t wait to see the following list implemented because as a little e-community, we should all give a hand to our brotha, help out, and do stuff.
Don’t let your domain expire.
Becky: When we were doing the IP Web Awards we wanted to include everyone’s favourite NaturalBornDiva, but unfortunately when we went to her site we found out it had expired and we can’t find her anywhere. Seeing as NaturalBornDiva ranks pretty high on our list of favourite IP’s of all time, we’re pretty saddened by the whole thing. So if you’re leaving the internets or just moving domains, at least keep your old domain around and let it redirect. It saves us the hassle of crying over your absence * SNIFF *
Sarai: I’m not lying when I tell you my heart sank after seeing that default This Website Has Died page. The very idea of not having a safe bet on Lulz makes me a very sad panda.
Becky: And panda’s are usually such jolly creatures. Hey are you the Sexual Harassment Panda?
Sarai: Of course not.
Becky: Are you sure, maybe just a little bit?
Sarai: Fuck you man.
Don’t let pornmeisters take over your website.
Sarai: Read: Miss scandaleous herself, Resha. Sigh.
Becky: Another one of our favourites has disappeared from the web and has sold her website to some pornmeister that isn’t half as entertaining as Miss Resha was. Miss Resha, please come back to us, we miss you.
Sarai: Becky I’m telling you, once I entered that +18 XXS3xXX page my virgin eyes did backflips, I was so shocked.
Becky: Virgin eyes my fat furry ass. We all know you like to visit cumslutmilfmidgets.com, fess up already!
Sarai: EY. It’s all Brent’s fault, really. After introducing me to Daily Dongs, I just haven’t been the same. Damn you, Brenton.
Don’t cover up your hypocrisy with facts and valid points.
Sarai: When you’re trying to defend yourself against e-attacks, don’t fall into this trap! Make sure you admit first and foremost that you are a hypocrite, because everyone in all of the world is, and then bring up your point. Just don’t back it up with facts because that’s just a waste of time, and we have important things to do like playing Amanda’s favorite game, The Sims, or checking up on our Neopets, which I have to do later.
Becky: Right you are, if you’re going to e-argue then make sure to not read anything through, miss obvious sarcasm or satire and most of all: if it happens to your friends they’re right no matter what. People got to stick together in this cold, cold world of ours. If we can’t stick up for our friends when they’re wrong, who can we stick up for? Except for people who are right and use logic and fact to back themselves u— oh where’s the fun in that, go nuts everyone!
Sarai: That we do! Who better to tell you you’re right than your friends?
Becky: Sarai, tell me I’m right and that you love me.
Sarai: You’re right and I love you forever bb.
Becky: Even if I turn into a raging hypocrite with no common sense or logic? How about if I turn into a mommyblogger?
Sarai: Well of course! I’ll defend you to the death, my little raccoonbear. Erm, maybe not so much as a mommyblogger but I’ll pop in every once in a while to back you up on the latest.
Becky: Hey that’s good enough for me! Oh, and I’d do the same for you.
Don’t provide HTML help when your own site won’t a) load, b) display correctly or c) work.
Sarai: This one just boils my very liquid core Becky. If I can’t read your tutorials because your HTML is a complete joke, Don’t. Provide. Help. To. Others. For the love of god just link the fuckers to some place decent. You’ll help them out better that way.
Becky: It pisses me off more than the writers strike getting House shoved back to January 29th, 2008, it does. Speaking of the writers strike, who’s with me in thinking that those lazy bastards need to get back to work? I’m sure there are starving writers in Africa or China just salivating at the thought of writing for House or Bones. They should be happy with making people like me happy, because money can’t buy happiness.
If you don’t know that you need a DOCTYPE then it’s safe to say you shouldn’t be writing code at all. The only exception to that is if you’re at least attempting to learn, if you aren’t then just stop and don’t teach anyone else. Why spread the crap?
Sarai: I agree with the writer’s strike. Ungrateful bastards. Because of this brouhaha I’ve been stuck at home Monday and Thursday nights, crying silently and eating peanut butter out of the jar, sometimes browsing IP for some old lulz. Sigh. If your site is a lulzfest when it comes to coding and graphics, don’t kid yourself in thinking your advice will be taken seriously or be regarded as helpful. It’s an insult to those who are actually trying to teach what they know.
Becky: Also, Adobe Dreamweaver is not the leading authoritah on code, so don’t copy and paste shit out of it. Really now, it just blows donkey schlong, the code it outputs isn’t great and it’s not something you should rely on. If you can write code without the aid of the WYSIWYG editor then it’s all good… er if you can write good code without the aid of the WYSIWYG editor then it’s all good.
Never, ever use the Disney font on your website. Use Comic Sans if you must, but not the Disney font.
Sarai: You know it’s bad when we’re actually condoning using Comic Sans.
Becky: This was inspired by no one and no we won’t be putting this non-existent person on IP in the very near future. I don’t like Comic Sans MS, but in this case if the Disney font were being used as navigation on a website (that doesn’t exist, of course) I’d condone it.
Seriously though, this applies to all overly decorative fonts. Whatever happened to using a nice regular font? You shouldn’t have to rely on your font to make your navigation pop, it’s a small part of a bigger viewing experience.
Sarai: Not only that, but certain fonts (like Disney’s) are copyrighted, so it’s not very smart to stick it everywhere. It’s also not very legible so you’re defeating the entire purpose. Actually, now that I think about it, if visitors can’t read or navigate, then maybe that’s a good thing.
Gradients only piss us off and make us want to put you up here on IP all the more. Resolve to use fewer gradients this year (and bevels, too!).
Becky: Use gradients and bevels and you die. That’s all I have to say.
Sarai: I wrote an article on gradients this year called The Gradient Grief. Gradients are not to be used on everything.
Becky: Nor are bevels. Fuck off with that shit.
Sarai: As for bevels – they should never be used. Ever. AND I MEAN EVER. Bevels are for noobs.
Becky: We. Will. Hunt. You. Down. That’s a promise!
Reduce your sidebar.
Sarai: This is one of my biggest pet peeves, by far. Who actually sits there and reads all that shit? It’s also extremely irritating to see people go out of their way to install plugins for their sidebar so that it looks like it has actual content. Pathetic. Or people who have too many links or subpages and the sidebar just scrolls on and on. Mallory I’m looking at you bb!
Becky: Janet’s is probably the best example of what not to do with a sidebar. Look at how long it takes to load thanks to the additional markup she’s added, it’s bloated and it looks like shit. Remember pinupdoll.nu? Do you want to end up like that, didn’t think so.
You definitely don’t need to put the bulk of your content in the sidebar, that’s why we have subpages to act as a secondary sidebar of sorts. If it’s not a link to someone else or absolutely pertaining to your blog (categories, search, archives, etc.,) then leave it out. JUST LEAVE IT OUT!
Sarai: Oh the pinupdoll days. Talk about good times.
Becky: I loved that whole drama thing, you can read up on it here.
Clearly label all sponsored posts because scamming people is bad, mkay.
I wrote a post about sponsored posting earlier this month and I stand by everything I said in it. Label it as sponsored or gtfo my internets, scamming people is more than bad – it’s superbad. Don’t rely on a sitewide disclaimer because there are people who will not read it. Label all your posts as sponsored so your visitors, the people that allow you to sit home on your ass writing false reviews, have a fighting chance.
Sarai: And plus it’s not as if your readers are into lame shit like cookie cutters, vacuum cleaners, or plastic plates, who are you trying to kid? You also lose all credibility you may hold as a writer for selling out. Stop being greedy and get a real fucking job.
Learn to spell if you’re going to emulate us – it’s insulting, okay.
Sarai: This was inspired by Candii-Bee and their lame attempt to be just like us and teach us a lesson.
Becky: “faulse” and “adveritising” are not words, if you’re going to try and cut us down a notch or two then please use a spellchecker. Misspelling simple words invalidates your argument almost as much as hypocrisy and trying to pwn on a weak argument, like, oh say, we’re mean and we should be nice to your friends.
Now I know I promised to not make any New Years resolutions, but I can’t help making a few. I resolve to listen to more Aqua, watch more House, eat more chocolate and post as much as possible on IP. Since I’m going to keep all my resolutions, you should probably keep yours too * insert ominous music *
Sarai: I believe everyone could benefit from this list. If you feel it doesn’t apply to you, please, forward it to someone who needs it. We need more community involvement and support. The faster we get the message out there, the less time we have to spend trying to recover from the bullshit that’s running rampant out on the web.
Becky: Start a chain letter if you must, we all need the word to be spread as far and as quickly as possible.
Sarai: I back you up on that bb.
This article was, er, as mushy as this sounds, love.
You both should update IP more. There are probably more fans than h4t3rzz. (Haha, me being a total n00b.)
Angela · Jan 4, 06:32 AM · · Permalink
yeah I super agree with the writers strike thing. I mss house so much!!
Well you’re blog was very helpful even bevels is totally out
Ana · Jan 4, 07:16 PM · · Permalink
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I’m so guilty with the bevels. I’m not afraid to admit they are NASTY. Becky’s already expressed her distaste in a couple of comments and I agree – I’ve been wanting to change that stupid excuse for a layout ever since I put it up (it was never finished. Me + effort = fail) but inspiration seems to be as foreign to me as sarcasm is to Rachael :P
Maybe I will get off my lazy butt and think of something to replace all that with… * Browses CSS galleries *
Amelie · Dec 31, 12:41 PM · · Permalink