Lillium
(Hi guys! We invited Brent for one of our chats this time around. He proved to be an ideal team member and once you read, you’ll see what I mean.)
Brent: Look at that lovely pile of vomit posing as a header. I mean I really do love outdated brush stamps. PSP7 FTW!
Becky: I ain’t seen nothing this bad since Amanda’s laptop layout Shanaynay.
Sarai: I usually expect this type of layout from freewebs. Or piczo. Or somewhere else that’s remotely hidden.
Becky: Wait, what’s Brent’s ghetto name? Seems to me he needs one.
Sarai: Lafawnduh.
Becky: Lafawnduh, Shanicka and Shanayay… right then.
Brent: Before we delve into the godawful nightmare that is her CSS, let’s first take a look at her introduction.
“Blessed this world on June 27”
Oh really?
Sarai: Blessed this world?
Brent: I feel so blessed right now.
Sarai: I’ll show her a holy spanking. Wait, that can be interpreted in so many ways. I retract.
Becky: Jesus Shanaynay. I’m still taking in the layout.
Blessed? The world was blessed on June 15, 1988 (holla visitors).
Sarai: Oh right. Why is her sidebar all up in that header? Is it trying to escape outta my screen? Don’t blame it.
Becky: I used to make shit like this when I was young and retarded, there’s no excuse for that these days. Back in my day CSS gallieries were few and far between and CSS wasn’t what it is today.
Brent: Let’s talk about the blue text towards the top, considering there are no other instances of blue to suggest blue might be a good color choice.
Sarai: Oh… shit. Is that the website name?
Brent: Bluepileofdogvomit.com?
Sarai: I cannot read.
Becky: But, but it’s blue! Greenish blue actually, it fits cause pink and blue go together? Duh, don’t be stupid, Lafawnduh.
Brent: Oh wait, I think I see it now? “Litttthfdhdjieeeeeee.com” ? I mean I could be wrong. Since the text is so legible and all.
Sarai: Better than I could do Lafawnduh. If by legible you mean FUCKING-A CAN’T READ SHIT.
Becky: Oh look guys she returns comments! brb I’m commenting.
Sarai: Plug whore.
Oh there are skins!
Brent: SKINS?!
Sarai: Yes as in plural. I don’t know if I want to go there.
Oh.
My.
God.
Brent: Snap Preview Anywhere. Oh no she just did not.
Sarai: WHAT. I hate that Snap Preview shit.
Becky: I’m going to go with the typical “nice site, I like your CSS” because her text is illegible and fuck that shit.
Brent: Sorry I wasn’t paying attention, I got lost in the magic that is her “DOLL MAKER!” Who doesn’t enjoy those lovable pixel spics?
Becky: Guys I’m scared… hold me?
Sarai: Omg are those avatars? ZAC EFRON IS GIVING ME THE EYE YOU GUYZ.
Becky: I’m not even venturing near the avatars.
This is an anime-loving, dollmaker, 12 year old’s wet dream. Look at her tutorials. LOOK AT THEM.
Brent: I’m going to change skins guys. Let’s say a short prayer for my safe return, shall we?
Sarai: I’m still here, Brent. I hope you do better than me.
Becky: I already did Lafawnduh, is all good.
Brent: * phew * I haven’t lost an eye yet.
Becky: I’m near done gouging mine out.
Sarai: Okay, so there’s only two layouts in her skins page, but in her index page she offers six. All equally horrifying.
‘Kay someone said something about pixelled spics.
Brent: DoLlZ!
Becky:
“I may be a flirt, but your boyfriend likes it”
I hate those catty idiotic little sayings that fat ugly women use.
Brent: I agree, that’s like a 350 lb woman wearing a t-shirt sporting the phrase “HOTTIE” or a similiar disgusting saying.
I can’t wait to download each of her beautifully rendered celebrity PSD’s! One day I might achieve her level of greatness with them?
Becky: OMG! I see a Sarai on here with red hair!!
Sarai: * uses Blinkie generator *
Oh you bitch.
Becky: Click here.
Sarai: I’ve been needing one for my Myspace Pagez. Why is her hair on fire? And covered with lice? Someone please.
Becky: Because she’s… well fuck I don’t know.
Sarai: Oh look, she wants us to learn something.
Becky: “Big is beautiful” is another one. Big is only beautiful if it’s a cock and only if that cock is attached to a beautiful man (Spike, for instance).
Brent: Emile Hirsch for instance*
Click here. I really am speechless right now.
Sarai: Jesus Christ Becky.
WHY WON’T IT STOP OMG. I’M NEAR TEARS HERE.
Brent: Tears?
Becky: My ass is in tears guys. MY ASS.
Brent: I passed the tears stage minutes ago. By now I’m just sobbing acid.
Sarai: “<~~~Rewind” lol.
Becky: Click here. Oh look she steals other peoples flash games.
Sarai: Ping pong anyone? I wish I could grab a paddle and slap her accross her e-face.
Brent: Click here. This is so beautiful. God, I sure do love .jpgs at a number 3 level of optimization.
Sarai: She has a problem with capitalization.
Becky: I’m getting my leopard printed shotgun ready.
Becky: Here’s a tip: MS Paint isn’t very good for saving ANYTHING.
Sarai: I don’t think your shotgun is going to do much, Shanicka. I’m thinking of a nuke.
Brent: Click here. WHO THE FUCK TOLD HER THESE EMOTICONS WERE A CUTE IDEA. CAUSE IT WASN’T ME.
Sarai: WASN’T THAT IN HER BLOG?
Becky: It was probably Shanaynay.
Sarai: The hell it was Becky.
Brent: Click here. WOOT!
Sarai: * headdesk *
Brent: * facepavement *
Becky: * facehell *
Well if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t Brent…. who was it!?
Sarai: BRB, learning how to do left scrollbars.
Becky: I used to do left scrollbars! They’re easy and super sexy.
Sarai: I just want to know why she thought butterflies bathing in pepto bismol was a good idea. That’s all I wanna know.
Brent: Well I mean it’s only logical. God knows, teddy bears are totally chic.
Becky: Logic? LOGIC?
Sarai: OMG! I’ve been wanting to bombard my visitors with Fireworks for agezz!
Brent: Of course! Where have you been?
Becky: Excuse me Brent, but logic? What logic? YEAH THOUGHT SO.
Brent: The simple logic that states that vomit attracts visitors!
Becky: Sorry dear visitors, Brent is a bit of a dumbass (he doesn’t like Spike or House).
Brent: Although, perhaps even sadder than the existence of the website, is the fact that it has loyal VISITORS THAT KEEP IT GOING. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE.
Sarai: I REALLY DON’T KNOW BRENT. BUT THEY SHOULD ALL BE SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH A SOGGY TROUT.
Becky: Okay that only attracts a certain species of visitors: “Retardis Visitoraris.”
Brent: I have no faith in humanity.
Becky: I lost that somewhere around Natural Born Diva.
Sarai: Oh I agree Becky. Natural Born Diva changed my life.
Becky: For the worster too :|
Brent: Click here. What the fuck is this.
Becky: Anime bullshit.
Sarai: She looks lost. Wistful. And wrapped in a felt blanket?
Becky: She looks scared to be on that layout.
Sarai: What the fuck?!
Brent: “God, is that you? It’s me, Sazukimakalutzi.”
Sarai: Downy commercial?
Again with the domain name text. This one looks like she got some random male to piss on the wall and attempt to write it.
Click here. I’ve been needing a layout. Search is over, methinks.
Brent: Click here. Nothing goes better with vintage pencil renderings than pink glitter, let me tell you.
Sarai: WHAT IS IT WITH THE PEPTO BISMOL PINK. WHY WHY WHY WHY.
Brent: Little Kao-Anis! Click here. Is it my birthday?
Sarai: OMG! HOW KYOOT! She just bursts with happiness! ^ _ ^
Brent: I KNOEZ!
Becky: I’m dying inside guys. DYING. It’s just, just…. God help us.
Sarai: Becky I think we should do a lil x-change. Get our name out there.
Becky: Exchange? I ain’t putting her link up in my loved section fuck that.
Sarai: But Becky think of the traffic homegurl!
Brent: Click here.
….
…….
WHAT.
Sarai: That looks like my buddy Benny’s mom. She bakes us cookies after school.
Brent: THIS BITCH IS 37 YEARS OLD. She also loves Harry Potter, Winter, and long walks on the beach! How quaint.
Sarai: Long walks on the bea—? Oh that’s it.
Becky: Whose wrinkled old plastic surgery addicted hag of a mother is that?
Brent: I’d like to give her a nice long walk on the banks of Lethe and Eridanos.
Sarai: Omg I’m so downloading ring tones.
Brent: I can’t wait to show my friends my sweet new ringtones either!
Sarai: I AM SO GETTING “I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE”. THIS IS GOLD BRB.
Brent: Hit Me Baby One More Time is sure to get me laid.
Becky: Yeah okay bye guys. I’m leaving now. Yeah you’re both too fucked up for me to hang around with.
Sarai: But we haven’t even looked at the coding! The treasures to be found :(
Becky: All right, all right. NO DOCTYPE? DUDE WTF.
Sarai: OMG.
Becky: TWO HTML TAGS?
Sarai:
<script language="JavaScript1.2">
//Gradual-Highlight image script- By Dynamic Drive
I don’t see this anywhere? And thank god?
Becky: LAFAWNDUH HOLD MY WEAVE AND SHANAYNAY’S WE’RE GOING IN.
Sarai: I GO WHEREVER YOU GO MY LOVE.
Two body tags? Sorry Shanicka, you’re on your own.
Becky: But, but you’re supposed to have my back!
Sarai: THERE’S A HEAD TAG INSIDE THE TWO BODY TAGS HIDDEN BENEATH FOUR JAVASCRIPTS.
I AM PEELING OUT THIS MOTHER FUCKER, SORRY.
Becky: Whatever, whatever I’ll brave it alone. Unless Brent wants to come with?
Brent: Well ladies, it’s been a hoot but I have to continue my life of being everyone’s personal taxi/bitch.
Sarai: Oh thank god. Saved by the bell that is Bonnie’s constant life-draining bitching.
Becky: Yeah and I have to go dream of Raul the poolboy.
Sarai: It’s been fun. I’m going to go stab myself with sharp things. Catch you all later.
Becky: Bye guys, I’m going to go lick some hydro wires.
Sarai: Jesus.
She could be a saint for all I care… But you would expect that kind of layout from a ten year old..
No, forget that, I don’t even think my two year old cousin would like this.. And I’m betting she could come up with coding better than this by just slamming the keyboard with her fists… O.O
@Kaylee: sure it is. Go online do Google searches on everything that crosses your mind. Put the results in a bag, shake it well and then pour the contents inside a few HTML documents. There’s your site!
My first thought on entering the site was: “how many parts does a layout need to be cut up?” The answer I got was : “there’s never enough”. The theme with hot pink horror bunny is actually OK, but the text is not aligned properly.
As for the games she made: who in their right mind would believe she made street fighter??
Ah well: if she wants to build a website for 10-year-olds, who am I to stop her?
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I think her kids made that site. Is it possible for a 37-year-old to make something like that?
Kaylee · Sep 30, 11:22 AM · · Permalink