Internet Police Web Awards
Becky: Ho, ho, fucking, ho. Merry Christmas, visitors! Today we have a special treat for you: The 1st Internet Police Awards. Inspired by Rachael.
Sarai: I could pee my pants right now, I’m so excited. Keep in mind these are our personal opinions blah blah blah you know the drill. Let’s get started.
Most Pointless Blog – Ambie
Becky: I nominated Ambie because her blogs make me think of watching paint dry. I did that once, it was pretty goddamn boring.
Sarai: Now I don’t believe Most Pointless should be confused with Worst Blog because they’re two different things. I just feel that her entries aren’t all that interesting. They don’t inspire me to comment, or make me think differently, or draw me in any way.
Becky: Perhaps if she included more than two or three paragraphs per blog and at least tried to make her writing seem interesting I’d be more forgiving. Unfortunately she hasn’t, so she gets the award for Most Pointless Blog.
Most Likely to Stalk Celebrities – Rachael
Sarai: A couple of people could have fit under this category, but I mean, she just stuck out for me. She seems most likely to follow them around, try to find some way to weasel a photo op, squeal over some magazine cut outs, something.
Becky: And it’ll most likely be Simple Plan she’s stalking. I can forgive stalking Hugh Laurie, James Marsters, Michael Rosenbaum and even Hugh Grant, but Simple Plan? What the hell?
Sarai: I had my Simple Plan phase. Lasted about 3 days, I’m not even kidding. Next.
Becky: Yeah right.
Sarai: I SAID NEXT.
Worst Layout – Eunice
Sarai: What else can be said about this sorry excuse for a layout? It looks like it took about 3 seconds to think up, much less create. And I use that word loosely. The colors are all wrong, and I hate it.
Becky: You might remember this as Rainbow Luck, yep Eunice is back, back again and the layout kind of resembles Ava Rae. Is anybody else digging the MSPaint Christmas tree?
Sarai: I was, for about half a second.
Becky: It’s so… CHRISTMASY. It’s got Christmas spirt coming out the wazoo.
Best Layout – Brent
Sarai: Yeah, we’re throwing positive categories up in here, just because. What’s not to like about this layout? The colors are great, it’s unique, it has cute illustrations, and the webmaster is completely adorab — it’s a cute layout, okay.
Becky: What’s not to love? The green is awesome, the tan nav needs to suck my balls, but the rest of it is just hotness. I’m not a huge fan of one column layouts, but this one is just lickable. Hey why’d he get into Perfection and I didn’t!? I bet he paid them off or something. Pfft. Or they didn’t want everyone else to feel bad because I’m so awesome? Yeah that must be it.
Sarai: Hey if anyone from Perfection is reading this – where’s my site at? You picked my past two websites but not this one? Fascists.
Becky: They can suck our balls, Sarai. SUCK OUR BALLS.
Sarai: Unbelieveable.
Most Idiotic Webmaster – Jenn
Sarai: Oh this one is just a given. Anyone who goes out of their way to ban people, delete/close comments, and ignore valid points altogether should just give up.
Becky: Ever wonder why there aren’t any negative comments on her site? She deletes them all and then bans you. Such cumnuggetry, my god.
Most Hypocritical – Rhiannon
Sarai: This one is mostly because of that whole fiasco that happened over her layout. She went ahead and called us hypocrites for doing pretty much what she does. Allegedly. There is a whole theory that it was just Nellie who said those things, but I mean, she discussed it with Rhiannon. Oh and let’s not forget the blog response on PSGR which was well, fucked up.
Becky: Either way Rhiannon was most likely involved in the whole thing and she most likely said those things to Nellie. I’m not inclined to believe anything Nellie says because, much like Jenn, whenever someone doesn’t agree with Nellie, she pulls the “you don’t understand my point” card and then requests that the thread be closed.
Sarai: Ouch. Next.
Worst Blog Categories – Brandy
Sarai: I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: No one needs that many categories goddammit. No one.
Becky: No one needs that level of organization. No one.
Lulziest Domain Name – Janet
Sarai: I think the question is, What’s not lulzy about this domain name?
Reminds me of my 2001 web daiz.
Becky: I have fuzzy pink slippers, and not once did I ever think it was a good domain name. I might as well register FuzzyWhiteRobe.com in honor of my favourite robe. This domain reminds me of a 12 year olds first foray into the world of websites. Which is good because Janet acts like a 12 year old most of the time.
Sarai: Yeah, I’d love Dasprit4Sumdack.net but you don’t see me rushing along to register it.
Most Delusional Blogger – Janet
Becky: Janet’s the only one to win two awards! She’s super special. I think this one is pretty much explained by our past article on FPS.
Sarai: Yeah I don’t think we need to add much to it. Anyone who thinks having that many themes is a good idea has some serious issues.
Most Undeserving of Comments – Some dude
Sarai: This one just smokes my tail feather. He blogs with: “SERVAR CHANGE, SRY GUYZ, IM BAK NAO” and gets 162 comments in return. Or posts an entry about a new layout and the fangirls shit themselves with excitement. Disgusting. He rarely updates, he has shitty content… it’s just insane.
Becky: I’m going to take your word for it. Those comments could be coming here to IP. WE DESERVE ALL KINDS OF LOVE AND DEVOTION. HE DOES NOT.
Sarai: IAWTC. Next.
Most Controversial – Internet Police (you’re here, lol!)
Becky: C’mon, we had to put ourselves in here somewhere!
Sarai: Any blog that sparks discussion, compels webmasters to send over their minions on us, pushes one to e-mail us, or has webmasters move sites or put up indefinite hiatus is definitely deserving of this award. And we did all of those! Yay.
Becky: If you agree with this then please send $1 to Happy Chicks, 123 Awesome St. Werule, Ontario.
Biggest Attention Whore – Dicle
Becky: She’s a li’l bit Internet Police and we’re the originals.
Sarai: I felt she tried too hard with her first blog. Tried to be too controversial, too fast. She achieved her goal, but never kept it up. Oh well!
Becky: It’s too bad, too because it would’ve been nice to read another controversial blog.
Most Pointless Content – Mallory
Becky: Mallory is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. She’s also one of the stupidest (it’s the tree that bends that doesn’t break). For me she was perfect for this category because of her domain name suggestion “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow”. Someday I will register that (after pussybear.org).
Sarai: Most Lulziest Content, more likely. I don’t know how she can take herself seriously. I mean, Handwriting, Dictionary, CDs owned, Movies She Wants to See, Glitters, Dolls… ALL. THIS. SHIT. Oh and I’m all for pussybear.org.
Becky: Yeah me too. And so we arrive at the end. It’s been a crazy [almost] year with you guys, sharing the lulz and exposing the stupidity. I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you all that Christmas just isn’t about getting gifts, it’s about giving them too. So feel free to send us expensive trinkets, cars, letter bombs, whatever. It’s the thought that counts.
Sarai: Becky is in dire need of a blow dryer you guys. Personally, I’ll take cash. Have a safe and happy holiday! 8D
Becky: I’d rather have cash, too. Merry Christmas, ya’ll!
Comments
First off, I’m going to say that both of you are entitled to your own opinions, and that’s fine. I’ve read a lot of the posts here at Internet Police and though I don’t always agree with what is said, or the way in which it is said, I’m often quite amused. But when one of my close friends is attacked, and when that friend has no idea that two people somewhere are insulting him, then I feel it’s my duty to stand up for said friend.
Now, the fact that I’ve never stood up for anyone else written about on here is for two reasons: 1) I didn’t know anyone personally that had been victimized, and, 2) The acquaintances attacked were well aware of the fact that they were written about here at IP. Call me a coward, hypocrite, whatever; really, feel free.
My friend, the boy you so charmingly referred to as “Some dude” [oh, and he does happen to have a name; it’s Scott], the one who is supposedly Most Undeserving of Comments, well there are some things you should know. He DOES deserve those comments (or at least, the majority of them) because he DOES comment other people’s blogs. And I’m not talking about “Hey, nice site” comments. I mean comments that actually relate to the blog of which he is commenting on. And so, a large portion of those comments received are responses from the very blogs in which he himself has visited. It’s also a fact that many sites use commenting as a way to keep in touch.
I can’t argue with you regarding his content because everyone has their own opinion as to what the definition of great content is. As for updating, well, he typically updates once a week; that’s about average, is it not? I personally prefer sites that change their layouts frequently because it keeps it interesting. Maybe it’s not the typical practice with sites you both visit often, so you feel it to be pointless. I don’t really know.
Blog-wise, okay, yes, Scott doesn’t write essay-length posts. But, is that a crime? Not everybody likes to write articles for blog posts or use them as a sort of online journal. Maybe he likes to keep things private? And I know for a fact that he does NOT type in chatspeak. I would also like to educate you both on the fact that he does happen to suffer from slight dyslexia, so maybe the spelling or grammar isn’t perfect. But you were able to read it, were you not? The server changes and such: unfortunately, his site has been experiencing several hosting problems. It’s a typical alert to visitors, affiliates, etc. that his site has been down.
Oh, the “fangirls”…hmm…there may be a select few that act too enthusiastically. I wouldn’t know though, I don’t read every last comment he happens to receive. Did it ever occur to you that possibly Scott is just a very nice person, and that, perhaps, that is the reason for why his site receives so much attention? Just saying.
I’m almost positive at least one of you will label me as one of these very “fangirls”, but I’ve known Scott, my very good friend, for a year now, so I’d say I have a good idea of who he is as a person. And now, I am finally done with this comment.
Happy Holidays!!! :)
Elty. Shhh.
You don’t even have a site any longer —- It’s basically scheduled for deletion. How come you think you can say anything regarding content at all, hmm?
But in case you insist you do have a site, I must say: Your content leaves much to be desired. Half assed brushes? A couple slapped together avatars/icons? ((That look like you nicked from CoolBuddy.Com, no less.)) Two generic tutorials? And … That’s your content in it’s entirety.
Even Becky and Sarai —- While being douchebags —- Get more creditability than you. They actually, y’know … Have a site or two.
rolls eyes Not THIS again: you don’t have a site so you don’t have credibility. Since when does having a site enabled one to express an opinion over another??
Next people will claim that having a site enables one to rule the world.
Also, Mallory I’ve yet to receive all those wonderful e-mails you supposedly sent me. So… who’s ,lacking credibility now?
rolls eyes Not THIS again: you don’t have a site so you don’t have credibility. Since when does having a site enabled one to express an opinion over another??
Next people will claim that having a site enables one to rule the world.
Also, Mallory I’ve yet to receive all those wonderful e-mails you supposedly sent me. So… who’s ,lacking credibility now?
______________________________________________________________
Sorry, Vera. I told Jenny to tell you that you were a, and I quote via my Sent list; ‘pussy lickin’, ass kissin’, cocksuckin’ brown noser’, but she refused to tell you, and instead kept sending me repetitive eMails saying things along the lines of; ‘You gots somethin’ to say to Vera?! You gots something to say to mah girl?! You don’t mess wiv mah bitches! You a pussy, white girl?! You a wuss?! That’s right, you don’t mess with the ghetto! Ain’t you gonna say NUTHIN bout mah girl!’ And so on … Even though I replied each time and told her I had already addressed said subject 14 eMails before. :)
And Becky, your sarcasm is dead-on. You’re right … You’re not very creditable at all. I was simply using a little lie to pwn the Elty tween. But shhh! She thinks you’re like a combination of the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Satan all rolled into one chubby chick —- Let’s not burst her adolescent bubble!
I had a nice long comment ready to post, but I think I hit the preview button and then navigated away. I’m usually always doing that… Any chance of having a difference between the two buttons slightly, so that the submit one is greyed out or something?
I can’t remember entirely what I said in my comment, but it was something along the lines of not having magazine cutouts, not being a stalker, just being a loyal fan. I don’t mind if you hate SP – I hope, though, that you can understand what it’s like to be a fan of someone.
I think I also mentioned that my site has the www in it. :P and it’d be good next time if you came up with your own ideas… What is it you “cool” people say? “Plz 2 come up with your own ideas… plzkthx bb” or something.
LULZ @ these comments.
“Commenting on someone else’s blog doesn’t make you anymore deserving of comments than someone who doesn’t comment on blogs.”
I agree with you, Becky. I DO comment other blogs, but it’s because I enjoy doing so. If I comment say 50 blogs in a day (which I never do, but regardless), I don’t expect nor deserve those 50 comments back in return. Unless of course my entry was worth it.
@Sarai – Actually, I’ve never heard of the Blog Choice Awards… Maybe I’m being silly, but I took “inspired by Rachael” to mean “inspired by Rachael”. I have this awful habit of taking people literally… I really should stop doing that. Clearly “inspired by Rachael” means “Rachael has no imagination and neither do we. She copied the blog choice awards and we’re copying that too, but hey, while we’re at it let’s try and make Rachael look like a divvy”.
As for the preview and submit button, I meant “how about making the unclickable button look a bit more… unclickable?”.
@ Sarai: What content? I see no content … Aside from my own. xD
Which, BTW —- And I might as well get this over with, instead of beating around the bush —-
My content is awesome. Have you ever searched for ‘Username Ideas’ on Google? How about ‘Hug Counter’? Last time I checked, my site was listed first and third, respectively … If you simply search those basic phrases —- And no quotes, either. ;)
On top of that, I get complimentory eMails from strangers —- Strangers, not just friends —- On a weekly basis, telling me my content is interesting, funny, helpful, and original. ((Not pulling your chain, here. I could post screenshots with IP address and dates if you’re so skeptical.))
So, in conclusion: You few jealous girlies can say whatever you want, I’m cool with it. I know, personally, that my site and content is among the very best.
You don’t wanna agree, that’s cool. :) In a nutshell, I’m stating that none of you *hAtAz* will ever make me think any different.
I’ve made my point, ((To myself, obviously,)) And I shall stop here!
Oh, and last thing, I pwomise!
n_n;V
@ Vera: I’ve studied psychology extensively, and I most certainly don’t need a shrink —- Not for the reasons you’ve hinting at, anyway. ;) You, on the other hand …
If you’d like a further analysis and pwn fest, both courtesy of me —- *fReE oF cHaRgE* —- Just eMail me personally!
My address is very easily accessible, in case you weren’t aware. ;)
Where did I claim I invented web awards? Of course they’re not a new thing. I’m original, but I’m not that original.
To be honest I find it kinda patronising… What have I ever done to you to warrant this problem you two have with me? I’m polite, I’m civil, I treat you with a fair amount of respect and I’ve never slagged you off in public…
I am so butthurt over the fact that I didn’t get an award. God, was it so hard for you guys to give me a little Christmas present? ;)
My content is awesome. Have you ever searched for ‘Username Ideas’ on Google? How about ‘Hug Counter’? Last time I checked, my site was listed first and third, respectively …
That doesn’t mean that nobody else has that kind of content though. Since when does Google ranking constitute complete originality and quality in content?
Anyway, happy holidays officers Becky and Sarai. May you get a stocking full of butthurt!
Hug Counters?? stares and starts laughing hysterically Yep, right… and you’re 19 and honestly think HUG COUNTERS make interesting content?
You studied psychology? Really?! You know what? I should totally quit my well paying job as a computer programmer and start sending you e-mails. After all where else could I get free counseling?
I second Jordan…nothing better than juicy bitching comments on a rather boring holiday :)
Regina · Dec 25, 05:13 · · Permalink
Despite the harshness of some comments, I really thought everything was truthful. You both really have great writing talent.
Not to intrude on this newly brewing drama, but even if you don’t know me, criticize my site when you run out of topics? IP is just ridiculously awesome and truthful. :)
who cares? this site sucks and these girls are terrible writers anyway.
anonymous · Dec 26, 21:53 · · Permalink
I would just like to post my complaint on how there are no badges of any sort to boast with. If you’re voted as a celebrity stalker or being the most idiotic, you should at least have a button of some sort to claim the fruits of your hard-earned labor amirite?
Marie (Cherchez) · Dec 28, 06:53 · · Permalink
The only ones I liked in “teh circle” were you and now you’re calling me attention whore. Well, then why did Becky supported me? I’m not going to search for an answer, you’re just it. Nothing.
Dicle · Dec 28, 11:16 · · Permalink
This post totally rocked. Definitely do this again sometime. My favorite was “Most Undeserving of Comments – Some dude” I agree with that 100%. He gets all these comments and his blog is not even that great. Just wtf! He must have no life at all and just comments every single site on the web all day long to get those comments. Although one day I was skimming through his comments and it looks like he’s having conversations with people too, so that’s probably another reason for all the comments.
Britney · Dec 22, 18:48 · · Permalink