Butter Cream Bitches
Becky: The only way a human being could actually use the navigation is if they clicked on every page to make the visited colours up. You know your design sucks when people have to click on your links just to be able to read what they say.
Although I can see why she chose those colours, if I had that kind of content on my own site I wouldn’t want anyone else to see it either. I suppose taking it down would have been too easy for her?
Sarai: So much for being ‘courteous’ to her visitors. Blue on navy green is a huge no-no. Apparently she’s never seen a good color scheme put to good use.
Becky: Oh. Snap. Did you check out her requirements? To view her site you have to have the following:
A mind, preferably an open one. Ability to READ, Tolerance for a teenager who has not yet fully understood her purpose in this crazy world, A 1024×768 resolution, A high speed conection. Seriously pay the extra $23.00 it’s worth it.
But the best part is this one:
INTERNET EXPLORER ONLY. I am aware that this site DOES NOT look right in fire fox. Oh f’in well then.
Way to lose out on visitors ya loser.
Sarai: And I was just starting to like her, too. Not only that, but this website is available to the public… A simple “LRN2RD” won’t really put readers at bay, since they can view it anyway.
Becky: I don’t get people who have requirements like that, obviously if I’m here (and not a fan) I can read and I have a mind. And if you’re stupid then no, I will NOT tolerate you. Dumbass.
Can we move on to the design? What’s with the iPods and iPod ads? And am I the only one that is freaked out by the picture of her licking her lips? I think it’s supposed to be sexy, I’m not sure. Whatever it is I’m just not feelin’ the vibe. What I am feeling is that she’s sizing me up for dinner… I haven’t felt that way since Amanda’s glamour shot!
Sarai: Omgah, check out the bootylicious figure on the left! This entire website just reeks of modesty. Just check out the header: “I Rock”. You just don’t get any better than that.
Becky: Judging by the close proximity to the pictures of herself (at least I’m pretty sure it’s her) I’m guessing she wants to create the illusion that it is HER in the fake iPod ad.
I think I’m going to notify Apple about the use of their, most likely copyrighted, iPod images. I’m fairly certain she just lifted them off the Apple website and plopped them down on her layout. Where’s her “no sticky pawz” warning?
Sarai: I was just looking for it. But I guess when you only have “3 People loving your brown sugar” you don’t have much to worry about.
Becky: Brown sugar? WTF!?
You know, it doesn’t look any better in IE than it does in Firefox. In fact I’m not even seeing the difference, maybe some margin/padding woes but other than that it seems to be the same. Perhaps she meant IE6 and never bothered updating her site (or her IE)?
Sarai: Well of course it wouldn’t look good in IE. If you scroll down… oh god. Words can’t describe. It seems to me she’s using IFrames, and that alone is just painful to think about, much less see.
Becky: Hasn’t she read any of those CSS Shortcut tutorials? I thought everyone had stumbled across one at least once. Is she the exception?
Sarai: I’m guessing so. But I gave her credit for at least having any. And then I spotted her abuse of <div>s and I just lost it. There’s so much JavaScript coding, my brain is reeling.
Becky: What.The.Hell? I dare you to find me someone who needs that many div’s! Why aren’t there any <ul>/<ol> tags surrounding the <li> tags? The validation god [me] is very angry, I’m guessing that the semantic god [Sarai] is also very angry. I smell tables!
Sarai: Oh I could have thought of more adjectives than angry >:| There’s a frameborder for the tagbox as well. Will the madness ever cease?! Note to readers: Chat boxes are pointless.
Becky: Cool it babe, we want to keep this kid-friendly… kind of. Why does she have a div for the bold text? And there’s an empty DIV right above it.
Sarai: Wait a cock-blocking minute. Is that a table Calendar?!
Becky: This one has a nasty case of DIVITIS. I think sh- wait, what!? Table calendar? I haven’t seen one in years. I knew I recognized that calendar from somewhere! It’s from So-You.net, I used to use it.
OMG She uses a template from babydoll.nu And hey, everyone had to start somewhere, fortunately it was when I was thirteen and not nearly 19 years old. It’d be way more embarassing if I used them right now.
Sarai: I thought those had become extinct, never to be heard from again. Much like Richard Simmons. Alas! I spot a grammatical error! (How ironic.) Check out the heading under ‘Link Me’: ‘Ect.’ Please tell me this was on purpose. Surely a self-proclaimed writer would be able to spell abbreviations!
Becky: But one of the requirements to look at her site is that you have to be able to read… Surely that also means you should read her website?
Sarai: Apparently she doesn’t read while she’s on the computer…? Maybe she just stares at blank pages all day. Well now I’m confused.
I wonder what CMS she’s using?
Becky: It’s kind of hard to tell WHEN YOU DON’T CREDIT ANYTHING. Oh wait, never mind she credited Wordpress. Never would’ve guessed that it was Wordpress hiding behind all those DIV’s. I wonder if she had to pay someone to beat the shit out of that Wordpress install or if she was woman enough to do it herself.
Sarai: What can we do to help this poor soul?
Becky: She wants to be a writer, well girl better invest in a damn good spellchecker because I see many grammatical errors that are easily noticed and fixed. I hope Butter Cream Bitches had a beta.
Well we could always draw her a map to the delete button, this is dead in the water.
Sarai: No hope, at all? I thought I saw some potential once I saw her graphic skillz, but even that won’t save you.
Becky: God Sarai, I told you to put your goddamn glasses on before we started. Did you listen to me? No, of course not, and now you are making a fool out of yourself by saying this site has hope.
Sarai: Maybe some modesty classes? Oh, well, maybe I put too much hope in young webdesigners. I don’t know why. :-( I don’t have any other suggestions, really. The delete button is the best place to start.
Becky: I give this site a C+, it was entertaining. It could have earned itself a B if it had tutorials (particularly ones on how to install fonts on Windows), but alas it only had poetry and the promise of a book called Butter Cream bitches. Perhaps when the book is up I’ll revisit and give her a better grade.
Sarai: The promise of the book is the only thing that made me stay, so I agree with that comment. As for the grade… I’ll reserve my judgment :-( No, I retract that statement. I believe you are being too generous, Becky. Wipe that look of shock off your face. You didn’t even consider the coding! I mean, table calendars? iframes in and out of <div>'s? No hope whatsoever except for a complete re-do? I say D-, and I’m being nice.
Becky: But Butter Cream Bitches!!
Sarai: Well, if it’s as good as the masterpiece titled ‘Wifey’, I might reconsider. But I make no promises. Wifey had substance. Let’s not go there, or we’ll lose the few readers we have left… Oh who am I kidding? They probably ex’ed out ages ago.
Becky: We have readers!?
Sarai: Well, that would be my optimistic (and slightly deranged) side speaking. Even if no one ever reads this, I feel good just having got this off my chest.
The color contrast on her site kills my eyes..
Loca · Mar 17, 03:31 AM · · Permalink
Granted her navigation is hard on the eyes but what the fuck are you two shitbrick yamps doing with your lives? this shit isn’t impressive at all and i’ve seen the other site her site shits all over both of these.
xenu · Mar 17, 01:42 PM · · Permalink
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I must say, this is my favorite part:
Becky: She wants to be a writer, well girl better invest in a damn good spellchecker because I see many grammatical mistakes that are easily noticed and fixed. I hope Butter Cream Bitches had a beta. We could always draw her a map to the delete button, this is dead in the water.
I laughed my ass off reading this.
Cheryl · Mar 17, 12:44 AM · · Permalink