Butter Cream Bitches v. Don't eat the yellow snow
Sarai: I feel like I’m in prison.
Becky: Yeah? I just thought someone really stupid was trying to hypnotise me. The stripes fail, as does the promise that it will work in any browser. I’d like to see a screenshot of it in Internet Destroyer 1.0! Or on a cell phone, those resolutions are pretty damn small.
Sarai: Either way, it’s not good.
That exists?! I’m kind of scared to click, to be honest.
Becky: I’m pretty sure that it does on computers in Russia or something. I’ll click for you Sarai the cowardly lion. OMG NO PLEASE GOD NO! MY EYES, MY EYES.
Sarai: The expression on those cats is the EXACT same one I’m wearing right now. What are the chances?!
Becky: * shields face * May the lord have mercy on my soul * makes the sign of the cross *
Sarai: * throws holy water *
Becky: You know, Martin probably peed in that.
Sarai: What is up with the links?!
Becky: Links? I see no links, I see randomly chosen words with backgr- oh. Okay those are links. Let’s veer away from the social norm every once in a while, but damnit Sarai, one thing I will not tolerate is a background on a regular link. Kids these days don’t know what they’re doing.
Sarai: I would have preferred red links even.
Becky: And why are the headers two different colours? I don’t want to see what she had to mangle to acheive that.
Sarai: Lots of patience, I imagine.
Becky: No Doctype Sarai, hold me. SHE USED THE FONT TAGS. FONT TAGS SARAI.
Sarai: OMG. Tables in < divs >. And then iframes. Please, just shoot me.
Becky: Although I suppose it doesn’t matter, no DOCTYPE = no worries.
Sarai: Srsly, this shit needs to stop.
Becky: It’s like 1998 threw up in your living room. You know what? Those kitties remind me of something… I can’t think of what though. It’s probably a big companies product, maybe something geared towards little girls or weird old people. Yes that must be it, can’t think of a name though :| Ripping off someone else, * tsk tsk*
It’s like those kitties are saying HELLO and they’re KITTIES! I smell a really good product name, y/y?
Sarai: I thought of Sanrio. Gee, you couldn’t be more obscure. I still haven’t gotten over the div / tables / iframes, thing. It gets me every time.
Becky: Moving on, I hate it when people call me names. Bitch, whore and cunt are fine. Cuteface? Well that’s when I get my hammer out.
Sarai: Cuteface? Sweet merciful Jesus.
Becky:
Hey cuteface! _ And welcome to mallorymaloney.com. ^^
Sarai: K, stop.
Becky: Cuteface… Her math is horrible, 80 doesn’t come after 15! Everyone knows that.
Sarai: You know, Becky, I don’t think she has enough subpages. Just shy of… 76?
Becky: I once counted, she has 80.
Sarai: Hot damn. What treasures could be stored in these lovely pages?
Oh, she has a dictionary, an essay dedicated to her computer, a hug counter, and typing rules!
Becky: Hug counter? She makes her visitors hug her? I knew a guy who used to do that too, he’s in prison now being buttfucked by Tank.
Sarai: Oh, you know Tank?
Becky: He’s mentioned you a few times.
Sarai: We had some good days.
Sarai: She has some pretty sweet board themes. And by sweet, I mean, just what the fuck?
Becky: Board themes? Haven’t checked those out, at least not in recent memory. Let’s start with the dictionary, shall we?
Sarai: If we must. :-(
Becky: Chin up dearie, it’ll be okay.
Sarai: That’s page 4 out of 80, for those of you just tuning in.
“Prettyful.
A combination of pretty and beautiful. But in a cute way. u“
I’m sorry, I can’t do this.
Becky: Awww, she must have gotten that from Angelica on the Rugrats. I know that because my sister used to be obsessed with the Rugrats and I had to watch them all day everyday. It’s all bavy, innit?
Why must people try to set themselves apart like this? Just use LOL and get it over with.
Sarai: Speaking of family, her Dad is a computer geek? That’s a new one. He has I think like, 5 sites.
Becky: Are they just as horribly designed as his daughters? I bet it runs in the family. Sarai, you’re a ment.
Sarai: Or just turn off your computer and never come back.
Becky, stop it!
Becky: Okay, okay I mean you’re really Wedgieriffic!
Sarai: Cosplay?! Just wtf, seriously. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this, Becky.
Becky: * ducks rotten tomatoes * “Always use double brackets. ((Like this.))”
Sarai: K, I’m walking out. Like now.
Becky: Don’t leave, it’s not that bad. Remember the cartoons on Naked Barbie? Butter Cream Bitches? I wonder if that’s out yet, I hope so because I’ve been waiting for it for quite some time. I long to read about bitches and cream.
Sarai: Butter Cream Bitches! Good times.
Becky: Butter Cream Bitches What!? Where!? How!? Who!? How dare she deprive me of BCB.
Sarai: That bitch.
Becky: This is an outrage, I will take it to the supreme e-court if I have to. To the highest ranking person on the internet. Justice will be served. Do I really have to go back and look at Mallory anymore?
Sarai: Even Judge Judy couldn’t save her.
Becky: Judge Judy would just beat her ass with a keyboard. She’s cool like that.
Sarai: Yeah, we can count on her. I’m just waiting for the illustrations. CD Cover Modifications?! WTF.
Let’s look at some Online History, see if she has any excuses. Hmm, at least 4 years. Yeah, no excuse.
Becky: I’m somewhere around #44, direct me to it? Oh right you can’t, IFRAMES!
Sarai: God, I’m really hating these links. They’re randomly placed around the blog, and just wtf.
Becky: Photographs of myself. This is gonna be good, nothing like making fun of someone else’s pictures.
Sarai: Becky, I wouldn’t if I were you.
Becky: What? They won’t hurt me… GAH NO, NO PLEASE NO. KITTIES, HELLO WERE ARE YOU? SAVE ME PLEASE. What does she do? Duct tape her camera to a broom and hold it above her head? Angles make everyone look hawt. Who wants to make a bet she’s a 500lb guy with severe acne who likes furries?
Sarai: Yeah, even my Aunt Maria looks good with angles, and she has 5 chins and a mole the size of an m&m. Right on her chin.
Becky: Hell my Auntie Ethel looks good with angles and she was 500lbs, had six chins and a mustache. Also she’s been dead for a year.
Sarai: Trusty angles. Let’s look at Past Versions to view the progress!
Becky: George and the soiled trousers. That’s a story on her site.
Sarai: I definitely just snorted out my coke.
Becky:
George’s stomach felt rather odd. A nervous stomach, almost as if a bout of diarrhoea was about to approach … Before he could even react, he had a … Slight accident, and soiled his trousers.
Don’t the have medication for that these days?
It would take you awhile, too, if you had trousers full of shit, you know.
Oh how eloquent, such masterful use of words. My god, she’s our Richard Hemingway!
Standing there, half naked, he opened the bag from the little shop. George looked inside at the contents.
Matched his formal suit jacket perfectly.
Only … One problem.
It was another jacket.
A perfect end to a perfectly wonderful story.
Sarai: O sup cliffhanger? That’s almost as bad as Lena, and that is saying something.
They have a medication for everything except for that one disease called Dumbassitivity.
Becky: Aww, don’t you eventually want to say your vowels to someone? I do! A E I O U and sometimes Y instead of I
Sarai: Version 12 That was version TWELVE. I am speechless. And Microsoft Frontpage is open. I should have known.
Becky: I think she may have ripped that off of me, because it looks a lot like the layouts I used to have * hangs head * I’m sorry Sarai, can you forgive me?
Sarai: Please stop talking.
Version 24, and still no progress.
Becky: Progress? She added prison bars and poxy cats to her old layout. Wait, did she steal that from the Website-Workshop people?
Sarai: Um, I sure hope not.
Becky: MS Frontpage is still open, lets all have a big sigh.
Sarai: It’s open all the time!
Becky: Ahaha, Retarded Teenie Magazine. What’s she complaining about? Oh yeah, someone misspelled that dude from Greenday’s name. The horror, oh the horror. I might have to go for a while Sarai, the world is ending.
Sarai: She credits Hotmail.com for getting her started online when she was twelve on her Credits page. The hell? How OLD are these pages?!
Becky: Hotmail, is email… right?
Sarai: Yes.
Becky: Or did it have webpages too? Because honestly, email doesn’t get you on the road to having a website.
Sarai: It has MSN pages?
Becky: I have no idea, either way it doesn’t equal a website. Therefore I am, as usual, right.
Sarai: I’m thinking of stealing an Emo glitter graphic. And printing it out on my suicide note.
Becky: My suicide note is just going to be one of her “Fuck You” glitters. Nothing more, nothing less.
Sarai: If you do it, I’ll do Rock On.
Becky: I gotta be honest here Sarai, I’d rather be reading Harry Potter mpreg fanfiction right now. And you know my feelings on Harry Potter and mpreg.
Sarai: But we’re only halfway done! There’s I think 42 more subpages to discuss!
Becky: WHAT!? No way, halfway? I’m tearing up now, thanks.
Sarai: OMG BECKY. She has Printable Coloring Pages. WTF IS THIS MAN.
Becky: Printable colouring pages? What are we, 5?
Sarai: Seriously. Ahahahaha Site Name/Username Ideas is gooooold.
Drunken Castaway, Real Popular, Hunky Dory, Fenced In, and Playing With Fire are my favorites so far.
Becky: Drunken Castaways! That can be our new name, so long as we can get a soccor ball and name it Martin.
Sarai: NO WAIT. I just saw Shimmering Spider Web, I retract my statement!
Becky: Real Popular is currently my favourite. That should be our name, mostly because we’re Real Popular.
Sarai: And Real Awesome.
Becky: Mushrooms And Marshmallows, Noiseless Sound, Gold Water (I want me some of that) and Tomatoes And Potatoes
Sarai: Outside Looking In – Man do I feel like that often. Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow is better, though.
Becky: Not only is it a classy name, it’s good advice!
Sarai: We should totally use that as our headline.
Becky: I agree * makes note *
Sarai: Either that or, “Patiently Waiting for Butter Cream Bitches.” I mean, with so many choices, who’s to decide?
Becky: I wish we could have two headings, that would be real awesome. Peanut Butter, okay now she stole my dogs name. Oh it’s on, IT IS ON! Honestly, if I see someone with blue lipgloss I“m liable to smack them.
Sarai: I had a blue lipgloss phase. :-(
Becky: And yet you rag on me for what I’ve done in the past. For shame, for shame.
Sarai: In my defense, it was turquoise and it complimented my purple eyeshadow.
Becky: * raises eyebrow * And we’re still friends… because?
Sarai: Never mind that! Well, I think that’s enough discussion. We made quite an effort, discussing about 14 pages and all. I guess I’ll end with: This site sucks a hairy testicle, and she should have Microsoft Frontpage taken away from her ASAP.
Becky: This site can suck my big black cock. That is all.
Sarai: Well put.
I reviewed that girl a few years ago over at HTR. While as a reviewer some of my advice might be outdated now at least her site would have been decent if she had listened to me.
Instead what do I get two years later? Her leaving nasty comments on my website. Of course. Because her website is so “aesthetically pleasing”.
Thanks for the Amazingly Wise review girls! I think I fell out of my chair I laughed so hard. XD ((It was even funnier than Rebecca’s Unrequested Review of mallorymaloney.com on Babbblative.)) And after all, you’re not much if you can’t laugh at yourself sometimes, right? =P
I’ll link this up on my site ASAP ... Thanks again for the shits and giggles. ^_~ Heart!
You two are so mean!! You should look at your own crappy site – if you can call it a site. More like a home for people with nothing better to do than shun others when they’re the most deserving. Mallory took that really well I think but she didn’t deserve that pile of shit.
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The background would be worse if it were moving (up or down), but never fear I can imagine the moving part :P
As for the layouts… they’re getting worse. And that’s saying something since he has 32 (right?).
I gave up on the typing rules page… and on the Japanese emoticons page… how many ways can you “display” shy? rolls eyes
Vera · May 5, 12:04 AM · · Permalink